3.75 Years

45 months...

193 and a half weeks....

1355 days...

equals the amount of time my body has spent being pregnant.

And now it's almost over.

Things I am grateful never to experience again:

• throwing up every single day of those 1355 days multiple times 
• heart burn
• doing a 10 point turn in the night every time I need to roll over
• sciata nerve pain/problems
• weekly shots in my rear end
• not being able to work out
• swollen feet and ankles
• maternity clothes
• being HUGE
• sleepless nights
• aches and pains with each and every movement of my body the last weeks of pregnancy

Things I will miss

• knowing the miracle that was taking place within my body as life was being created and growing
• all the little flutters and movement
• Gavin putting his ear to my belly to sing to the baby
• seeing the kids eyes light up when they felt the baby move
• having a REAL reason for being so tired and allowing myself to slow down
• labor, delivery and those first days in the hosptial...some of the most amazing days of my entire life

10 days from now I will be holding this little baby in my arms, and I will no longer be pregnant.  That is a glorious thought to me right about now.  But it also causes me to pause and reflect on the miracle of life and the beauty of being a woman.  I am in awe of what the female body is capable of doing.  And what an incredible experience and blessing it has been to be a part of this process five times.  When my own abilities and strengths were at they're breaking point, I am grateful for strength and help that came not only through the helping hands of friends and family, but through the enabling power of the atonement.  There were countless of those 1355 days were I simply could do no more...and on those days I was either lifted by the selfless service of others to carry me through or given strength beyond my own ability to endure.

In one of my dark moments of the past 9 months, I received a call from my sister.  She shared with me an article from her local newspaper that while written miles and miles away, came to me as an answer to prayer and provided loving comfort and reassurance from my Heavenly Father.  In this article a mother of five children describes sitting in church 7 months pregnant experiencing the trials and utter exhaustion of those final months of pregnancy.  The speaker began speaking about the Sweetwater crossing of the early pioneers.

"He was reading the story of the Sweetwater crossing, the day that grown men and women sat down and cried on the banks of the half-frozen riven because their strength was utterly spent, the day that three young men carried dozens of people through the chunks of ice and onto the continuing path west that waited on the opposite bank.  

And as those words penetrated the hazy fatigue that enveloped me, the Spirit spoke.  Not with words, but with a deep impression that I roughly translate here: "Your sacrifice is like unto theirs."  I sensed within myself how there were spirits waiting on that bank needing to cross to the other side.  And how I was carrying them, one at a time, to the opposite bank, so that they could continue along the path to Zion.  

Paul's words sprang into my mind, 'I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.'  (Romans 12:1)  Present your body as a living sacrifice.  Sacrifice--the word comes from the Latin sancire, meaning to make sacred.  That's exactly what I was doing; offering my very flesh and blood to God, to meet His purposes, to fulfill the desires for children he had planted within me.  

All the pain and discomfort and difficulty, I suddenly understood, was having a sanctifying effect.  It sure doesn't seem that way, I thought as I shifted my ample weight on the pew and rearranged the various limbs of my children.  I didn't feel sacred; I felt bloated, achy, irritable--even desperate, but even so I knew it was true...."   By Kathryn Soper

Tears flowed as my sister read these words to me over the phone.  I knew it was a message that my Heavenly Father wanted me to hear and a lesson he wanted me to learn.

So as I draw to a close this chapter in my life I feel a need to express gratitude for the things I have learned, the lessons I have been taught, the ways in which others have served and the opportunity to draw strength from the Lord.  Not to mention THE MOST SUPPORTIVE husband in the world who not only listened to all my complaints with empathy and compassion, but served and helped out in extraoridinary measures WITH a cheerful heart.  I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to "become more sacred" as I have presented my body as a living sacrifice.