Bedtime

Why is it that there is no middle ground when it comes to bedtime?

It can be wonderful with songs, kisses, kind words: roses and butterflies.

Or it can be filled with screaming, kicking, spitting, and gnashing of teeth.

No middle ground around here.

Some nights bedtime is this wonderful and magical time of night.  We read scriptures, and say family prayer.  I go upstairs with the boys and wait while they brush their teeth and climb into bed.  I tickle their backs while I sing them a song.  Zachary ALWAYS picks A Child's Prayer while Gavin likes to mix it up a little.  He's favorites consist of I've Been Working on the Railroad, I Am A Child of God, and Love Is Spoken Here.   I listen as Gavin says his personal prayers and I am so impressed by the strength of his spirit. I kiss their squishy little cheeks, ruffle their hair and tell them how much I love them as I wish them good night.  I check on the girls who are both still up reading...spend a few minutes chatting and kiss them goodnight.  It's hands on, and I'm usually tired of being on call to the needs of 5 other little people non-stop throughout the day.   But the goodness of the moment is rejuvenating.  I am filled with a desire to do and be better.   I am so grateful for the gift that is mine to be a mother, their mother, each and every day.

Or it is the EXTREME opposite, as it was tonight.  I thought I was being a good mom when I took the time to play a game with the kids after putting Grayson down.  I gave everyone a little treat and we had a great game of Dominion.  Scriptures, prayers....I am DONE.  No more hands on mommy from me.  I send the boys up to brush their teeth and tell them I'll be right up in a minute.  What ensues is Gavin tattle tailing on Zachary for kicking him in the neck and leg which Zachary was quick to reply, "That's because you were kicking me."  Gavin responded with a "So, that doesn't mean you do it back!."  This is followed closely by dramatic screaming and wailing (and I mean WAILING) coming from Gavin who apparently while trying to kick Zachary kicked the baseboards and now his toes hurt.  And yet I still don't have the energy in me to go upstairs to put an end to it.   So I sit on the couch and think that maybe somehow they will work it out and resolve it themselves....there is always a first time for everything!  In they go to the bathroom to brush their teeth they go where I hear "Stop spitting on me....I said STOP SPITTING ON ME.....GAVIN WILSON CRANE, I HATE IT WHEN YOU SPIT ON ME!!!!"  I think somebody pushed somebody else at this point as I hear the sound of scuffles.

Up the stairs I go.  Not a happy momma.  No songs for them tonight.  No back tickles.  No kisses on the cheek.  No whispers of good dreams.  Instead it's threats of what will come if I happen to hear a single sound coming from their room.

It is so draining, mentally and physically, with Bret gone every week.  And tonight I just didn't have it in me to make it to the end of the day.  But if I could have endured for just five minutes more, the spirit and tone in our home would have been totally different.  I'm not saying bedtime would have been magical.  But there would have been kind words spoken.  There would have been love expressed.  There would have been comfort and warmth felt by those little boys.  And there most definitely would not have been kicking, spitting and wailing.

I'm learning a lot about enduring to the end and what that means for me in my current life situation.

Sometimes I am able to endure better then others.  Tonight was not one of them.  Hopefully tomorrow will be.